The Code of Seakitties

I wrote this Code of Seakitties when I was 11 or so. Seakitties are imaginary animals that look similar to cats, but are generally larger, have flippers and pouches, enjoy swimming, are quite smart, and have their own language (which I speak!). This is a set of rules and beliefs (but not necessarily true beliefs!) that every seakitty follows.

This first version is the original text; the second includes notes explaining various terms I use.

1. Seakitties are the most intelligent breed on earth. No humans, Muhiis, fretoriods, kapers, or any other animals are smarter than seakitties. However, this only applies to adult seakitties; baby seakitties (or seakittens) can be less smart than human, Muhii, fretoriod, or kaper adults.

2. Seakitties must not hurt their mothers. They can pinch or scratch their fathers by mistake, but never their mothers.

3. Seakitties must obey their mothers until they get owners. Then they should obey their owners, but what the Seakitty Code says overrides the words of their owners. On the other hand, their mothers’ words are the Seakitty Code until they get owners.

4. Seakitties are all friends and community, so they must respect each other and help each other. For example, if one seakitty has a hundred oranges and the three seakitties she’s living with don’t have any, she should give each of them some of her oranges.

5. Seakitties must not steal except to do one of the following: 1) Support family (kittens, mother, father, siblings) or friends, 2) Support themselves, 3) Satisfy a very strong desire (e.g. he or she would perish if he or she couldn’t get the item)

6. All seakitties must either be a 1) wild seakitty 2) stray seakitty or 3) seakitty with an owner. Wild seakitties must obey the leader of their band. Stray seakitties must follow the Code of Stray Seakitties. Seakitties with owners must obey their owners (but the Seakitty Code overrides what their owners say). If a seakitty wants to be a seakitty with an owner, then he or she should put all his or her time into finding a good one.

7. A proper owner: 1) Takes care of his seakitty by feeding and grooming her, as well as providing facilities such as a maw-maw room 2) Calls himself Owner 3) Speaks a language that the seakitty can understand 4) Understands at least basically the seakitty’s dialect 5) Loves his seakitty

8. A seakitty must teach her kittens how to understand the most commonly spoken languages in the area, including seakitty dialects, fretoriod dialects, and/or human languages.

9. All seakitties must treat and discipline their kittens according to one of these three methods: 1) Making Your Kitten Behave 2) Proper Seakitty Punishment 3) Free Seakitty Method

10. A seakitty’s ears are always on top of his or her head, and a seakitty’s tail is always on his or her maw-maw end. All seakitties have ears and tails. Any purported seakitty that does not have a tail or ears is not a seakitty.

11. Any supposed seakitty that does not follow the Code of Seakitties is not a seakitty and should be banished from the seakitty community.

This is the notated version:

1. Seakitties are the most intelligent breed on earth. No humans, Muhiis [being very similar to a human in both appearance and intelligence], fretoriods [kangaroo-ish jumping mammals], kapers [weaselly mammals], or any other animals are smarter than seakitties. However, this only applies to adult seakitties; baby seakitties (or seakittens) can be less smart than human, Muhii, fretoriod, or kaper adults.

2. Seakitties must not hurt their mothers. They can pinch or scratch their fathers by mistake, but never their mothers.

3. Seakitties must obey their mothers until they get owners. Then they should obey their owners, but what the Seakitty Code says overrides the words of their owners. On the other hand, their mothers’ words are the Seakitty Code until they get owners.

4. Seakitties are all friends and community, so they must respect each other and help each other. For example, if one seakitty has a hundred oranges and the three seakitties she’s living with don’t have any, she should give each of them some of her oranges.

5. Seakitties must not steal except to do one of the following: 1) Support family (kittens, mother, father, siblings) or friends, 2) Support themselves, 3) Satisfy a very strong desire (e.g. he or she would perish [die] if he or she couldn’t get the item)

6. All seakitties must either be a 1) wild seakitty 2) stray seakitty or 3) seakitty with an owner. Wild seakitties must obey the leader of their band. Stray seakitties must follow the Code of Stray Seakitties. Seakitties with owners must obey their owners (but the Seakitty Code overrides what their owners say). If a seakitty wants to be a seakitty with an owner, then he or she should put all his or her time into finding a good one.

7. A proper owner: 1) Takes care of his seakitty by feeding and grooming her, as well as providing facilities such as a maw-maw room [bathroom] 2) Calls himself Owner 3) Speaks a language that the seakitty can understand 4) Understands at least basically the seakitty’s dialect 5) Loves his seakitty

8. A seakitty must teach her kittens how to understand the most commonly spoken languages in the area, including seakitty dialects, fretoriod dialects, and/or human languages.

9. All seakitties must treat and discipline their kittens according to one of these three methods: 1) Making Your Kitten Behave 2) Proper Seakitty Punishment 3) Free Seakitty Method

10. A seakitty’s ears are always on top of his or her head, and a seakitty’s tail is always on his or her maw-maw end [bottom]. All seakitties have ears and tails. Any purported seakitty that does not have a tail or ears is not a seakitty.

11. Any purported seakitty that does not follow the Code of Seakitties is not a seakitty and should be banished from the seakitty community.